


Kidnapping

by CMDAK



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: BAMF Q, M/M, Protective Alec Trevelyan, Protective James Bond, annoyed Q
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-06-09 05:24:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6891931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CMDAK/pseuds/CMDAK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James and Alec tended to be very protective, to the point where they managed rope in double ohs to check up on Q in their own free time. And that annoyed Q to no end. even though he understood why they were so paranoid and that it wasn't their fault that they were like that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kidnapping

**Author's Note:**

> This idea was given to me by one of Kinga's posts on FB. While I know that this is nt what she had in mind, my muse wanted to go in this direction.
> 
> Please forgive all mistakes and enjoy.

Most people believed that double oh agents were broken people who were incapable of feeling any real things. They were seen as nothing more than killing machines that were driven by their ego, survival instincts, and massive sex drive, living for nothing but to complete their missions and waste their free time spending a lot of money on frivolous things and living like it was the last days of their lives – and for some that was sadly the case.

 

No one really judged them for that, but no one really knew them. They were broken, yes, but not beyond repair and all of them were searching for that normalcy that so many people hated and ran away from. They wanted someone who truly loved them and who wouldn’t betray them in the blink of an eye. They wanted to feel safe and sound without holding a gun and they wanted quiet little nights to waste on a beaten down sofa in a normal apartment that smelled like food or flowers or whatever didn’t smell like explosive and gunpowder. But they also wanted whoever they loved to be safe and sound, so they kept away from real relationships and actual feelings.

 

However, some were extremely lucky and on top of actually seeing more than three missions in a row and looking like they might get to receive the huge pension checks that followed the job of a double oh, they also managed to find the elusive love, trust, and safety within the agency’s rank.

 

Two of those agents, who already seemed to be in bed with Lady Luck what with how many missions they had successfully finished, happened to be the infamous James Bond and his equally ill-famed partner, Alec Trevelyan. First with each other – and everyone shook in their boots when they realized that the two unofficial psychopaths decided to become more than friends – and then they somehow landed themselves the only person in MI6 with an official fan-club and honest to God minions, the Quartermaster.

 

His banter with the two gave way to a subtle and twisted form of flirting and then one day he showed up in the same clothes he wore the day before, a lopsided smile firmly in place, and obvious love bites on his neck. Combined with the bed hair he had and the little skip in his step, it was clear why he was in such a good disposition.

 

And then James and Alec strolled in with lunch for the man and attached themselves to his neck like two large leeches, clear to the world that Q was no longer on the metaphorical market by the fact the fact that he wasn’t turning the two men into dust.

 

Of course no one expected it to last because again, they saw the two agents as broken killing machines who were just searching for the next interesting bed partner and they were expecting them to get tired of the thin genius any day, but Q knew better and did not listen to the supposedly good advice of dumping them first.

 

Yes, the agents were broken, but not in the way people believed. They were capable of so much love that they easily put to shame all the Gods of love combined. But that went for their paranoia of their happiness being stolen from them by an unknown enemy and their fear that something might befall the person who was not trained like them. And that got could get on one’s nerves, especially since Q wasn’t as helpless as their minds made him out to be.

 

But it couldn’t be helped. Every time they both left on missions, Q found himself watched from corners by the double ohs that were left behind, all pretending like it was a huge coincidence they were there and swore that they weren’t protecting them on behalf of his deadly lovers.

 

“And I suppose it is also just a coincidence that you are armed to the teeth?” He would ask, barely holding back from grabbing their ears and giving them a good tug.

 

And the urge to do that only increased when they tried to look innocent while continuing to lie through their teeth. “Quartermaster, we are double oh agents; we’re armed to the teeth by simply existing.”

 

Q never held back from shoving in hands in their coats – be the agents men or women – and pulling out the minimum of two fingerprint encoded guns, glaring at them until they revealed all the other gadgets they shouldn’t have. “I expect to find all of these things back in their proper place when I come into work tomorrow,” Q said slowly, tapping his foot.

 

“Of course, Quartermaster,” the agents muttered, lowering their heads much like a child did when they were being scolded for something. “But since we’re here, how about we—”

 

“We nothing,” Q interrupted, crossing his arms over his chest. “I am going home to think of a way to punish my two morons and you are going back to MI6 to return what you’ve stolen and get out of my hair.”

 

He missed his lovers normally, but when he had half of MI6 trailing behind him, clumsily trying to protect him from the shadows – because the agents stuck out like sore thumbs when they tried to hide behind fruit shelves dressed in their best suits, eyes narrowed, and mumbling in their watches or grumbled with a finger stuck in their ear – he wanted James and Alec to be next to him for entirely different reasons.

 

It didn’t matter how many times he told them that he was perfectly capable of protecting himself; James and Alec just wrapped themselves around him and covered his head in kisses, snarling their promises of never allowing anything bad to befall him and that he would never suffer the fate of so many of their friends, family, allies, and past lovers.

 

“I am not helpless,” Q pointed out, knowing just where to pinch and poke them to get them to let go of him or pulling out some new invention and showing what it could do on a pillow or the usual bauble that always bit the dust which a horrible housewarming gift that they got from R, the woman instinctively knowing when it was destroyed because she always bestowed them with another one of them – that or the blasted thing was an enchanted thing, which Q was starting to believe it was.

 

“We never said you were,” James said quickly, taking Q’s arms and pushing his face against them, kissing his palms and fingers. “You could bring the world to its knees with but a few key strokes—”

 

“But so many leaders have met their end due to an unseen bullet piercing them when they least expected,” Alec finished for James, kissing the back of Q’s neck. “Also, they could kidnap you and inflict so much pain on you in hopes of getting you to reveal one thing or another and we could never forgive ourselves if it happened.”

 

Q sighed and patted their heads, allowing their kisses and loving touches to extinguish his burning anger. “Do I really have to remind you two that I am the Quartermaster?” He covered their mouths before they could say anything. Because he wasn’t done making his point for what had to be the millionth time. “And that it is not as easy to kidnap me as you think?” He frowned when his lovers hummed – he was so going to regret and get annoyed when he heard the answers.

 

Alec was the first to start ranting. “Two weeks ago, I easily snuck up on you on your way back from clothing store—”

 

“And I knew it was you, which is why I ducked in that alley and then threw you on your ass with one of the many self-defence methods taught to all MI6 superiors combined with the special classes I took on my own before I became the Quartermaster,” Q interrupted him, huffing.

 

James wrapped himself around Q, nuzzling his neck. “You can’t think that either Alec or I would really hurt you.” Of course Q knew that he hadn’t caught Alec by surprise, but he had hoped to get his point about being able to protect himself across with that rather complicated move. “And while we are on the subject, two months ago when I was on a mission with Alec and you went back to your apartment—”

 

“James, I knew you were coming back a day early and I deactivated the alarm system. I knew it was you who was breaking into my apartment.” Really, as much as he loved them and understood their psychological problems, he wanted them to realize that he wasn’t as helpless as he looked. “Honestly now, I was wanted by everyone even before I became Quartermaster and the only reason MI6 got me was because Tanner teamed up with Boothroyd and Mother and they emotionally blackmailed me into it,” Q shamefully admitted, pinching the bridge of his nose.

 

Moneypenny was still giving him grief over that and he was having such a hard time trying to keep his mother from suddenly dropping by with the help of Boothroyd and _accidentally_ meet his lovers because neither of them were quite ready for that very awkward and intense dinner.

 

“We understand that,” James said and Q doubted he did, “but we just want to be _sure_ that nothing happens to you.”

 

Alec cupped his chin carefully and pecked his nose. “Can you understand that, luchik? The world is at least ten times more dangerous now that you are the Quartermaster and our lover,” he explained softly and Q pushed both him and James away.

 

This was the final straw that broke the camel’s back and Q decided that it was time for him to act.

 

“I understand that you two belittle me, although you are doing it unintentionally and subconsciously,” he snapped, stomping towards the bedroom. “I understand that you two see me as one of those poor women who actually need help because of how many years they spent in a horrible world that you two keep meeting on your missions.” He kicked the armoire and the door popped open, his luggage falling right in front of him.

 

“Q, what are you doing?” Alec asked desperately when he saw him starting to stuff his clothes in the bag.

 

Q ignored him and started to dig under the bed for his laptops while James tried to stuff Q’s clothes back next to theirs. “And I know you two have a hard time trusting—”

 

“We trust you fully,” James breathed out, posting himself in front the armoire, frowning as he grabbed its sides to keep Q from opening it again.

 

Eyes narrowed and heart a tad guilty, Q kneed James and pushed him on the bed, starting to throw his clothes back in his bags. “I was going to say that you have a hard time trusting that history won’t repeat itself and that I won’t get killed just because we’re lovers, but I am starting to think that you don’t trust the fact that I trust you to trust me.”

 

Alec wrapped his arms around his middle and lifted him away from his clothes, pushing his face against his back. “Kotyenok, please tell me that you’re packing because you want all of us to go on a surprise vacation.”

 

“Alec, I am packing because I am going home and ending this until you two learn to respect my abilities,” Q explained calmly, patting Alec’s hands as the man hugged him tighter still. “Now put me down after which you will either help me finish packing or stay out of my way and keep quiet because if you dare to try to force me to stay in a place where I made it clear that I don’t want to stay...” He trailed off and Alec put him down.

 

His as of now former lovers quietly helped him pack, Alec arranging his clothes and even giving him two extra bags – and this was big because Alec usually stuffed clothes in places with a metaphorical pitchfork – while James made sure to pack ever gram of food they had in the fridge because he knew Q couldn’t cook.

 

An MI6 car was already waiting for the Quartermaster in front of the apartment building, its driver a former field agent who said little but crushed all who dared to even think about hurting the person whose security was in charge of. He was Q’s usual driver and James was pleased that this didn’t look like it was going to change anytime soon, but he couldn’t help but think that the man was a special brace away from a certain someone he had fought numerous times in the past.

 

“And if I see a single MI6 employee skulking around me while we’re not on high alert, I’ll end this forever,” Q warned as he got in the backseat of the car, the driver letting out a low growl as he glanced at James and Alec – because of course Q would befriend the silent danger and earn the man’s full loyalty and of course the man was ready to crush even the best double oh agents if they upset his friend.

 

“No simple MI6 employee will trail after you,” James promised, hand on his heart.

 

The driver growled again and Q narrowed his eyes. “That goes for special MI6 employees, past employees, future employees, all types of families of all sorts of employees, mere acquaintances of employees, allies of employees, and pretty much anyone that might owe a favour to two certain double oh agents who can’t get it through their thick skulls that I don’t need dangerous babysitters that also carry guns.”

 

“But, zaichonok—”

 

“Bunny nothing,” he snapped at Alec. “I’ve had enough of paranoia and since you two have a strong distaste for anyone trying to get in your brain and I refuse to force you to seek psychiatric help, this is the only way that I can help you.”

 

The driver slammed the door shut before James and Alec could get any other word in, driving off and leaving the two men staring after them. And Q felt bad, his heart heavy as he clutched at it, daring to look at them only via the CCTV cameras, texting Eve to check in on them when he saw that they were still staring at the road two hours later.

 

***

 

Q’s departure from their safe space made the two agents even more grouchy, paranoid, and irritable. They understood where he was coming from and why he was so annoyed with the way they were acting, but they had never held on to a lover for such a long time! And they knew the fates and the universe had it in for them, the higher powers of the universe always working against them to rip the person they cared for from them.

 

Worse still, they _loved_ Q; if the people they were interested in only got bored or hurt, what the hell could the universe have in store for the light of their eyes? Now, with him no longer by their side, but with longing in his eyes and warmness in his fingers and words every time they dropped by his department, they were more sure than ever that something bad was going to happen to him.

 

But they still tried to keep their word to Q and prove to him that they could control their instincts and they actually managed to do that – for an entire week, which was really a new record for them.

 

They apologized to the Q in their mind and hearts as they stalked him home on that Monday, having a few minions freely offer to do overtime – they were going to give them money even if the people refused that – to help them do a quick background check on whoever got to close to their soul.

 

It backfired faster than they though, Q managing to give them the slip in less than ten minutes, jog around a building while they were begging the minion who was in charge of the CCTVs for that night to find him and smacked them upside their heads, resting his hands on his hips and glaring at them as he waited for their brains to register that he wasn’t danger.

 

“That was...surprising,” Alec said carefully, lowering his weapon. “I was right in calling you kotyenok as you are silent as one,” he tried to joke, daring to attempt to scratch Q behind his ears.

 

Q slapped his hand away, looking at him coldly. “If only you would have waited for an entire bloody month,” he muttered, sighing and shaking his head.

 

“You didn’t say we had a time limit, Q,” James intervened, turning him around to face him. “If you had—”

 

“If I had done that, you would have cheated,” Q spoke over James, moving his hands over his lips, telling James to zip it until he was done talking. “Respect me enough not to lie to me to my face, James.” He took a deep breath to calm himself down and looked at his former lovers again, sighing when they hung their heads in silent admittance. “You lost whatever trust I had in you outside of the field.”

 

“Drakonchik—”

 

“Try to touch me and I will really be spitting fire in your face like a dragon, Alec,” Q hissed at him and the man took a step back, clasping his hands behind his back. “Until you learn to respect and trust in me when I am capable to defend myself, I don’t want to see either one of you in front of me outside of missions, understand? And if you continue to do this, we will never get back together.”

 

“But Q—”

 

Q covered James’ mouth, shaking his head. “We are done with this conversation, Bond. And that goes for you too, Trevelyan. As of now, I am your Quartermaster and nothing more.”

 

They wanted to follow him, but they didn’t because they didn’t want to further disappoint their lover and they regretted that decision not three hours later when they were called into work because the Quartermaster had gone missing. That alert – orange in colour when they had started to drive madly towards Vauxhall – turned into a red alert because just one minute before the agents got there Q’s army of boffins had received a ransom video.

 

“I was sure this was going to happen,” Alec raged, flipping a table and kicking a computer off a desk. He went to punch another computer, but James grabbed his fist just in time and forced to sit him down on a chair. “If you _dare_ take us off this mission, I will have _no mercy_ for whoever dares to get in my way when I go off the grid.”

 

“No one s doing that, 006,” M’s slightly strained voice came from somewhere above them and both men turned to glare at the woman. “In fact, the kidnappers made sure to underline the fact that they want you two to deliver the goods to them,” she continued and waved her hand, a video starting to play on the large screen in front of the fuming agents.

 

The camera was focused on a tied up Q and James and Alec sighed in relief when they noted that other than askew glasses and a strip of duct tape over his delicious lips, nothing was wrong with him. He wasn’t crying, he wasn’t bleeding, and he wasn’t shivering – of fear or cold – and that calmed them down to the point where they would kill his kidnappers in two months, not three.

 

“ _Who would have thought that kidnapping the famed MI6 Quartermaster would be so easy?”_ A digitally distorted voice started and this time it was James who started to punch tables and attempt to destroy computers.

 

“007, if you don’t sit down this instant, I’ll have someone shoot you with a tranquilizing gun, you animal,” M snapped at him and with the help of Alec, James calmed down enough to be satisfied with trying to break the chair he was sitting on.

 

M nodded her head and the playback resumed. “ _We don’t ask for much in exchange for this precious walking brain of yours,”_ Q frowned and started to struggle, Alec proudly recognizing a mumbled cuss that the younger man had picked form him and sighing in relief when Q wasn’t slapped or kicked for the outburst. “ _We only ask that you give us a little bit of information regarding the bank of England and Quantum which will be delivered to us by Bond and Trevelyan.”_

“Can we also deliver it with a bullet in each of their limbs?” Alec growled and M threw her pen at his head. “I’ll take that as a negative answer.”

 

“ _And don’t think you can trick us, because you’ll get your Quartermaster back only when we are sure that the information you provided us with is indeed good,”_ another disguised voice said, a bulky man walking on screen and lightly tapped Q’s hands. “ _If you try to trick us, we’ll make sure your boffin loses something important and don’t you worry your empty little heads about us being stupid, because he’ll be in another location from where we’ll test the verity of the ransom.”_

 

And then the screen went blank and James and Alec almost saw red in front of their eyes, stopped only by two USB sticks thrown at their heads. “That is the information that they requested,” R explained, nose in her tablet. “If they would have kidnapped anyone but Q, we could have put a tracking program on it, but since he is the kidnapped—”

 

“This is what happens when—”

 

“You can have your domestics at home, after I get my Quartermaster back,” M growled, throwing a phone – not her phone – at Alec’s head. “R, please continue.”

 

The woman shrugged, flexing her hands. “Sadly, I can’t continue; that is all I have for them and our plan is to actually do what they want us, hoping that we’ll manage to save something, anything after we get Q back.”

 

“After we get Q back, we’re leaving this place,” James growled, daring anyone to argue with him about that decision.

 

And someone did, or rather everyone did. Who were they to make the decision for Q, the entire room demanded and yes, James and Alec understood where they were coming from and they weren’t going to forbid Q to ever leave the large estate with horses, tennis courts, huge rooms filled with the best computers that money could buy, and both indoor and outdoor pools – which they were going to buy as soon as they got Q back – but they were not okay with leaving him working in an organization that couldn’t offer him the proper protection.

 

“He was alone tonight. _Alone,_ ” James pointed out, waving an accusing finger at Bill Tanner, Chief of Staff, who was also in charge of assigning who would protect who and so on and so forth.

 

Tanner sighed, rubbing his face. “All of our contacts said that the underworld is still in tatters and that everyone was too busy trying to run for cover after your last run-in with Quantum. No one said anything about Quantum hiring a separate group to cripple us.”

 

“And you couldn’t use your head and think that they might be doing something like this?” Alec exploded, getting right up in Tanner’s face.

 

“That’s not my department,” the man snarled. “That’s one of Q’s many jobs,” he added and R pushed herself between them before a start could start – James was closer to the man and she knew that he would force himself to remember his wife and children and not send him home with anything broken. “The Quartermaster actually does something else than babysit immature agents all day long,” Tanner continued, poking the sleeping bear with a very sharp stick.

 

And said bear had no trouble with pushing R out of his way to grab Tanner’s collar and give him a good shake. “Are you implying—?”

 

“Don’t you dare put words into my mouth you—” Tanner started, both of them getting interrupted by a weak cough, the whole room falling silent except for the few employees who decided to be overly-dramatic and faint.

 

“Am I interrupting something?” Q asked, hands on his hips, managing to look regal despite looking like a vagabond who had just finished a fist fight for half a sandwich, dressed in clothes that were not his and were one size too big.  

 

Alec and James were wrapped around him a second later, pushing his clothes open to check to be sure that he was without a scratch, bombarding him with questions as they were dragging him to medical to be sure that they hadn’t missed any wound.

 

“I’m fine, I’m fine, even if a little bit bruised and in need of a new pair of glasses,” Q tried to reassure his ex-lovers and everyone else who had trailed off after them and were crowding the poor doctor and nurse in Medical.

 

“You were kidnapped,” James started to say, gently cupping Q’s chin after pushing the doctor away to better see the already patched up bruises, Alec nuzzling his neck. “You were kidnapped and—”

 

“And I freed myself,” Q continued for him, caressing their heads, smiling, everyone secretly sighing in relief when they saw that he wasn’t missing a tooth. “So everyone can calm down, especially you two.”

 

“Quartermaster, would you care to share with us how exactly you managed to free yourself and where your kidnappers are right now?” M asked, just a hint of relief in her voice, pushing a glass of her best scotch in his hands.  

 

***

 

Not fifteen minutes after leaving James and Alec behind him, Q got the feeling that he was being followed again. But it wasn’t the normal feeling, that sliver of annoyance mixed with safety that his former lovers gave him whenever their overactive minds forced them to act like his shadows; no, it was one that set off all of his alarm bells.

 

Q stopped in front of a shop’s window, pretending to check what they had for sale and instantly spotted the three shady men that were tailing him – suits too cheap to be MI6 or MI5, looking nervously around and checking their watches, pushing away the people who blocked their visual of him.

 

Now, he had two options: call MI6 and let them take care of this – as a good Quartermaster should do – or prove his point to his lovers – this was the more immature and dangerous path that he really shouldn’t take unless he was missing half a brain.

 

The men made the decision for him when a black van pulled up behind him and two goons dragged him in, the other three jumping in after him and slamming the doors shut, the car probably almost hitting someone if the driver’s cussing was anything to go by.

 

While struggling, he took note of all the things he could use to untie himself and knock his assailants out as needed, easily dodging the fists thrown his way. It was actually funny because the men were so incompetent that two of them knocked themselves out before their apparent leader started to growl out something about Quantum and Q played his scared card as he threw himself in a corner and pleaded with them not to hurt him.

 

“Good, so the Quartermaster does have a brain,” the cocky man said as he wrongly tied him up – really, all Q had to do was rub his wrists together about five minutes to free himself – and patted the side of his face. “And if you continue to use that brain of yours and sit quietly, we really will let you as soon as Bond and Trevelyan” he spat their names out in such a way that Q was sure his lovers had broken a few of their bones in the past, “deliver what we want. Which I am sure they will because they would never leave their weak lover to die or suffer.”

 

He was surprised a bit that they knew he had a relationship with the two agents and that he was the Quartermaster because those were two things that they did not advertised while in the field – for obvious reasons that have to do with his safety. And yet here was this small fry in the grand scheme of things looking at him without a hint of doubt in his eyes about what he was saying and that did not bode well with him because it meant that it was time for them to do another round of so-called spring cleaning in their departments.  

 

“Are you sure you got the right person? Because I have idea what a Quartermaster is, nor who these—”

 

“Don’t even try it,” the man sneered and lifted his arm as if he was ready to strike him, Q kicking him in the groin by instinct. “You’ll regret doing that,” the man wheezed out, but the car took a sharp turn and everyone who wasn’t strapped down to something was thrown about.

 

Q almost chuckled. “Well, I don’t regret being tied down; so far, you guys have more bruises and bumps than I do,” he muttered, arching his eyebrow when the man tried to hit him again, only for the car to take another sharp turn. “I really think you should put your seatbelts on.”

 

One of the henchmen growled and made to crush his head, but the leader threw himself at him and pushed him against the ground. “If he dies, we’re going to have to run from both MI6 and the Pale King.”

 

Interesting; the last time Q had heard that title, James almost drowned. “Pale King? Hey, listen if this is some sort of LARP joke gone wrong because you confused me with your friend—”

 

“This is not a joke and drop the act,” the leader snarled, raising his arm once again only to cling to the side of the car when the driver took another sharp turn. “How about you start respecting the bloody traffic rules before you either get us all killed or pulled over by the cops?”

 

Q rolled his eyes, tempted to text R to let her know that Quantum could be taken off the danger list if these were the kind of hired help they got. But he didn’t, of course, because this meant that Quantum was still around and they needed to crush what was left of them. So Q decided to drop the act, if only to find out more of what they wanted and where the Pale King was – because it was clear that he was not dead, as he should have been.

 

“Okay, fine; I am the Quartermaster,” Q admitted just as the driver hit the brakes and sent everyone but him flying face first into the side of the car again. He was starting to feel offended since it seemed that even their enemies thought him weak and helpless – but he wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth and he would also use this opportunity to prove his point, even if this was not an actual challenge.

 

“It is good that you have decided to come to your senses, Quartermaster,” the man said as the doors were pulled open and the men dragged Q out of the car after untying him. “You will find that collaborating with us will make things a lot easier.”

 

Pocketing a pair of scissors, Q doubted the man’s words. “Well, I do have an aversion towards pain,” he joked, turning to the side just as one of the man tried to trip him – where they five years old?

 

“The same can be said about myself and my men, but that didn’t seem to register with your two lovers,” the man growled.

 

“You should have thought about that before getting in their way,” Q pointed out before he could stop himself, almost getting slapped. “But what do you want from them?” He asked as he was pushed down in the chair rather roughly, a man sticking a strip of duct tape over his mouth while another struggled to tie him down to the not really sturdy chair, finally starting to take out all the objects he had in his pocket – and he offered a moment of silence to his beloved phone that ended up being thrown against a wall with so much force that it shattered into hundreds of little pieces.

 

Their leader shrugged, hands in his pockets. “Your lovers should have had the decency to sit still and get shot since we’re trained for basic hand to hand combat and firing all sorts of weapons, not in fancy karate moves or whatever.”     

 

No wonder an agent could easily cut down through waves of these sorts of henchmen. Evil organizations should really invest in some sort of extra programs to get them better prepared for the field. Then again, it was better that they didn’t since it meant that his lovers came back alive, even if they weren’t in the best of shapes.

 

Of course they videotaped him as proof that they somehow managed to kidnapped the Quartermaster – probably the only thing they managed to accomplish in their entire life, now that he thought about it – and after patiently listening to them make their demands, only imagining the sort of damage James and Alec would inflict upon the room after seeing him all tied up.

 

He hoped the man suffered from the same problem of talking too much and revealing all of his plans as his employees and of course that was the case. After he was done with the tape, he stuffed it in a little package and instructed one of his men to mail it – not e-mail it, mind you, but have pay for someone with a truck to deliver it to the MI6 building even through Q noticed that he was in a room full of computers and people that looked like they knew how to properly cover their digital tracks – and then proceeded to laugh and talk.

 

“The money is for us, of course; extra payment for not killing you,” the stupid boss explained, tapping Q’s head. “And let me tell you that I feel like we need that extra money in order to keep you still breathing since you have a look of superiority in your eyes that just makes me want to gauge them out.”  The man walked around the room a bit and Q started to weaken his restraints, fingers on the edge of the scissors and waiting for just the right time. “And after we deliver the Pale King the information he craves...” He trailed off and started to laugh, Q rolling his eyes as he rubbed his wrists and pulled the duct tape off his mouth.

 

 

“That is kind of a lame plan,” Q said as he got up and grabbed the chair, smacking one of the guards that came running towards him, jumping behind a desk to take cover from the hails of bullets that came after him. “Hey, careful; if I get a single scratch on me, you will end up being a moving target for all the MI6 agents and especially for my two lovers.”

 

Of course the men continued to fire their guns, Q snorting when he heard the telltale of empty guns. He jumped from his hiding place and stabbed the larger man in the side with it – careful not to kill him because Q was many things, but not a killer even if his opponent clearly wanted to end him – and with a heavy heart, started to throw computer parts at everyone who was coming from him.

 

The boffins all ran out of the room at the first sign of danger, some hurt by their own people, others probably close to having a heart attack and Q was happy with that because it gave him more room to fight. He surprised the ones that he had missed hitting them in their empty heads with computers by breaking their bones or stepping out of their way just in time to avoid getting hit.

 

Q didn’t always land his punches and didn’t always dodge the ones aimed at him, but after an hour that felt like an eternity, he was panting in the middle of a room filled with groaning people, fishing out a phone to call in MI5 to get them to come clean up this place – he assumed MI6 was struggling to calm down to agents that had gone rogue – and also try to convince them to give him a ride back to Vauxhall without getting stuffed in their Medical first.

 

Which didn’t happen, of course, MI5 wanting to be 100% sure that nothing really bad had happened to the Quartermaster that belonged to MI6. They also made extra sure to underline the fact that if he worked for them, this would have never happened in the first place – and Q was quick to point out that since MI6 dealt with the external threats, MI5 was to blame for the clearly British henchmen that had flown under their radar and kidnapped him.

 

“With your blessing,” M said slowly, her eye twitching. “Because you got the stupid from these two and though that putting yourself in danger...” The woman trailed off a took a deep breath, looking like she was counting backwards from ten and for the first time that night, Q felt fear and moved to better cover himself with his two sort-of-former-but-not-really lovers.

 

But he was not going to find an actual shelter behind them as it was clear from a single glance that they were beyond furious with him. “You called MI5 instead of calling us first?” Alec demanded, managing to sound hurt, offended, and angry at the same time – and that made his voice squeak which, under normal circumstances, would have had Q laughing and cracking jokes together with James about how the other man had finally managed to reach his puberty.

 

Tempted to chew on his lower lip, but reminded by the sting that it was broken, Q glanced to the side. “I was hoping to get here before the package and dispose of it before anyone saw it. But the blasted doctors from MI5 just had to keep me there until the blood samples they took came back all clean and then they needed a special car to drop me off here and by the time all of that was over and done with, I could not stop you from getting the tape.”

 

James sighed, hiding his face in the palms of his hands. “You do realize that we would have noticed that you were beaten up, right?” He mumbled, massaging the bridge of his nose with his index fingers. “I mean I know you think us daft—”

 

“I do not think of you as ‘daft’,” Q interrupted him quickly, cupping both of their faces, brushing his thumb against their cheeks. “Intentionally annoying when I am too lost in something, yes; incredibly stubborn, without a doubt; followed by bad luck in which I don’t really believe in except when you two are the issue, most definitely yes. But never daft.”

 

They both kissed his palm while Eve alongside Tanner managing to trick M out of the room and R dealt with the dispatching of all the other curious bystanders. “And we don’t want to belittle you, but we want to avoid you ending up like this or worse,” James explained, fingers ghosting over the slightly swollen eye.

 

“You’re suffocating me when you do that,” Q said, sighing. “And like I said, I understand your need and your fear, but you over do it. This,” he gestured at the way he looked, “is my fault because I wanted to prove a few points and namely that I can defend myself and that I don’t make a good damsel in distress.”

 

“A very stupid way of going about that,” James pointed out, squeezing Q’s hand. “And make no mistake that we will pay a visit to them just to be sure they get the message about what happens to those who even so much as put a tiny scratch on you.”

 

“Please do so,” Q said coldly, eyes narrowed, surprising his lovers. “They were too sure that I was the Quartermaster and the type of technology they had access to combined with the hackers that were working for them which I was working with the MI5 Quartermaster to find leads me to the conclusion that both MI6 and MI5 have a mole problem and I’d love to have a name to go with that title.”

 

Alec gently took his hand and placed a soft kiss on his bandaged knuckles, grinning. “If that will get us back in your good graces, then we shall offer you the bastard or bastards on a silver platter.”

 

Q chuckled, caressing Alec’s face before giving him a small peck, flinching. “Only if you stop having people tale me.”

 

“But Q—”

 

“No buts,” Q interrupted James, pushing his finger against the man’s lips. “I am not saying not to do it when I am in danger in which I am not right now,” he quickly added when he saw Alec open his mouth, “but maybe you should focus on the people who might have it out for us and pretend to be on our side?”

 

He was sure he was going to regret that the second he saw the way their eyes sparkle, but it was hard to teach an old dog new tricks – or was the saying that you couldn’t teach an old dog new tricks? Well, whatever it was, no one took him into account or his stubbornness.

**Author's Note:**

> luchik - ray of sunshine; sunray.  
> zaichonok - bunny  
> Drakonchik - dragon  
> kotyenok - kitten
> 
> Comments and kudos are love.


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